A little 4 year old boy and his parents to go the ocean....After the parents get settled in their beach chairs, the little boy goes off to play in the sand....After about 10 minutes the little boy comes running back all excited tugging furiously at his fathers’ hand to get him out of his chair saying: Dad, Dad come see !...The little boy pulls his father down to a sand dune and points and says” Look Dad !....The father looks down and sees a dead sea gull laying in the sand and says: Oh, I see....and the little boy asks: What happened to him Dad?...The father looks down at the boy and says: Well son, he died and went to Heaven....The little boy looks a little confused and says: He did?...His father says yes he did...The little boy pauses for a moment and then says:...            So, why did God throw him back down ???

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch everyday and shout “ Praise the Lord ! “...Next door to her lived an Atheist who would get so annoyed at her he would shout back , "There ain't no God!!"  The old lady yelled back “ Yes there is and I can prove it “.....She went to the front of her porch and prayed “ Lord, I am in need....Please send me some groceries “ The Atheist yells back“ I’m telling you lady, there ain’t no God and your prayer won’t be answered “  The old lady yells back “ God works in mysterious ways “....The Atheist got very angry and decided to prove her wrong and went out and bought some groceries and sneaked over there late that night and put them on her front porch...The next morning the lady went out on her porch and found a large bag of groceries and shouted, "Praise the Lord for answered prayer...I received my groceries."The Atheist was waiting for her to come out yells over from his porch and says, "Aha! I told you there was no God... I bought those groceries last night and put them on your porch,....God didn't."...The old lady smiling yells back over “He not only sent me groceries, but He made the Devil pay for them too....... “Praise the Lord !"

There was this Christian man hunting for grizzly bear in Alaska....He had hunted all day and didn’t see any.....He decided to take a swim in the stream, so he set his rifle down on the ground and jumped into the stream....Just then a huge hungry grizzly bear came out of the thick brush charging right towards him...The man was scared so he raised his arms toward Heaven and prayed ” Dear God please convert this bear into a Christian “.....It was a miracle !...The bear stopped right in his tracks, raised his paws to Heaven and said “ Thank you Lord for this food I am about to receive !...Amen

One Sabbath day there was this church full of people and all of a sudden the Devil appeared and everyone went running for the front door to get out except this one little old man sitting in the front row reading his Bible like he's not aware of what just happened.......The Devil walks up to him and says " Aren't you afraid of me too? ".....The little old man said " Nope "....So the Devil asked him " Do you know who I am ? " and the little old man said " Yup ".....So then the Devil said " Did you know I can rob you of your soul and you could burn in Hell ? "......The little old man said " Yup...  "Again the Devil said " Are you afraid of me now ? "Again the little old man said " Nope "...The devil is really starting to get annoyed and he asked him " If you know all these things about me how come you aren't you afraid of me then ? ".....The little old man sets his Bible down and says " Listen Satan, I've been married to your sister for 46 years now, nothing scares me anymore !!!..........

God is sitting in Heaven when a scientist on earth says to Him, “ Lord, we don't need you anymore...Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing.....In other words, we can now do what you did in Genesis “ ....Really ?        Tell me about that, God replied.....Well, said the scientist, we can take dirt and form it into the likeness of you and breathe life into it, thus creating man....Well now, that's very interesting said the Lord....Show me just how you would do that...So the scientist bends down to the ground and starts molding the soil in his hands when God speaks up and says:...... I don’t think so....    Get your own dirt !!!...

It was Palm Sunday but because of a sore throat, 5-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm fronds. Johnny asked them what they were for....People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his father told him....Wouldn't you know it," Johnny fumed, "the one Sunday I don't go to church and He shows up."

An inexperienced preacher was to hold a graveside burial service at a pauper's cemetery for an indigent man with no family or friends. Not knowing where the cemetery was, he made several wrong turns and got lost. When he eventually arrived an hour late, the hearse was nowhere in sight, the backhoe was next to the open hole, and the workmen were sitting under a tree eating lunch....The diligent young pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Feeling guilty because of his tardiness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in style...As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workman say to the other, "I've been putting in septic tanks for over twenty years now and I ain't never seen anything like that."

A man passes on and goes to Heaven and when he gets there is told he needs a 100 points to get in, earning so many points for each good deed he has done....The man says, Well, I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, not even in my heart....The Angel says that’s good for 3 points....Three points, that’s all I get for that ? Disappointed the man continues....Well, I attended church all my life and supported its ministry with my tithing and service....The Angel says that’s good for another 2 points....Only two points ?...Discouraged he tries with: Well I also worked in a soup kitchen in my town for the homeless...The Angel says good for 1 more point.. Only one point ?... Desperate, the man says : At this rate the only way I'll get into Heaven is by the Grace of God....The Angel says: Exactly !...100 points!....Come on in !
Moral of the story is: We are saved by grace, not works !

Four people are on a scenic plane ride...The pilot, a  Pastor, a professor and a hiker...The plane develops engine trouble and is going down...The pilot says there are only three parachutes on board and since this my plane and I’m the pilot, I’m taking one and he bails out...The professor says I’m a brilliant man and the world needs me and he grabs one and he bails out...The Pastor looks at the boy and says: Look son, the Bible says as a man of God I have to give up my life for you so you take the last parachute and save yourself...The hiker says, that’s ok Pastor, there’s two parachutes left, one for each of us !...          The professor grabbed my backpack by mistake !

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